We live in a world that rewards productivity. Hustle culture says the harder you work, the better you perform, the more valuable you are. And our social lives are not immune.
We feel obliged to say yes to every invite. We schedule multiple coffee catch ups, commit to attending book club, knitting club, and that group gym class, all in one week. Nevermind all the weekend plans being discussed on WhatsApp Group chats.
We’re racing to fill our social calendars to the brim — like it’s the ultimate badge of honor.
Gosh, it’s exhausting.
Yet. . .it still feels like something is missing.
This kind of behavior resembles the “networking trap”, which refers to a reliance on surface-level interactions — attending events, putting yourself out there, engaging in conversation, but without getting too close. While this term is often used in professional settings, it can be applied to non-work relationships too.
It’s not to say that networking as a social skill is inherently negative. It shows you’re likeable and ambitious. Likewise, having many casual friends is admirable — it’s an outward way of proving that you’re curious, open, and a great conversationalist.
But, just like hustle culture can lead to burn out, an over reliance on casual relationships can leave us feeling wrung out, yet somehow like our social cup still isn’t full. You’re great at meeting people, but you still might catch yourself wondering — I know so many names, but does anyone actually know me?
A personal performance review
Wondering if you’re stuck in a networking trap? A little self-reflection can help. Think of these questions like a personal quarterly review, something to help you think about your friendships — where you’re excelling, and where you’d like to put in the work.
Remember: Friendship isn’t about being impressive. In fact, it’s one of the few areas of life where a perfect performance would actually miss the point, so keep that in mind when considering your answers to these questions.
Do my friendships feel good, or do they just look good on paper?
It’s easy to mistake a busy social calendar for a fulfilling one. This question asks you to look beyond the optics and consider how your relationships make you feel when the noise dies down. Do you feel supported, known, and energised? Or a little unsettled?
When something goes wrong, who do I instinctively call?
Who do you reach for without thinking? Moments of stress have a way of revealing which relationships offer real emotional safety, and which ones are better suited to lighter, everyday connection.
Depth usually comes from doing life together, not just talking about it. This question helps you notice whether your friendships are built on continuity and overlap, or whether they exist mainly in isolated pockets of time.
Am I showing up as myself, or just as my most presentable version?
Networking often rewards polish, but friendship doesn’t require it. This question invites you to reflect on whether your relationships make space for honesty, messiness, and change, or whether you’re always slightly “on.”
Anthropologist Robin Dunbar suggests that while people can maintain around 150 social relationships, only about five will ever be truly close… give or take a few, depending on whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, of course.
Either way, this is reassuring information.
There’s nothing wrong with having a wide network and plenty of casual friends. But, the challenge, or “the trap”, comes in when we expect all those casual connections to fulfill the same role as close friends.
The real work is noticing where you want depth — and choosing, intentionally, to invest your time and energy there.
